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  • Suzanna Kempner

Couch to 5k - Week 6

Goddamn fleece-lined Adidas trousers. They look so great and stupid and they have that awesome pocket for World’s First iPod but hot diggity DAMN are they hot. Hey, frankly guys, if you had hot pink trainers and electric blue Adidas trousers with hot pink stripes what would YOU do? Exactly. So stop judging me.

I’ve arrived at Week 6 which, like Week 5, is made up of 3 different runs. I feel quite strong because I run now, like it’s justifying all the time I spend lying down and watching Big Brother (Jack to win). If I put on a pair of jeans that don’t fit properly or a dress that isn’t particularly flattering round the waist instead of going “oh shit, my body’s all wrong for this dress” I just go “meh, I run now so this dress is the problem, dick”. And then I set fire to the dress and laugh as it burns (I haven’t done this). Here I am KILLING it straight after the (SPOILER ALERT!) final run of the week:

Week 6

Day 1: The first run of this week is 5 minutes of walking, 5 minutes of running, 3 minutes of walking, 8 minutes of running, 3 minutes of walking, 5 minutes of running. After a 20 minute run blast celebration party boom just 2 days ago I thought this would be a cinch. “It’s tempting to go too fast after a 20 minute run but try to maintain a steady pace”. Yeah, yeah Laura. Pipe down would you, I’m trying to run. Guys…I went too fast. I was like “5 MINUTES, POW!” and then during the 8 minute run my body was like “YOU’RE A DICK”. Got it done though. Didn’t give up. Because I’m iconic like Rosa Parks.

Day 2: I haven’t said anything about the music used in these podcasts. I don’t know where it’s from but I’m guessing it was all that was free/cheap and available because it is quite an uninspiring selection and very repetitive. The worst song is one that goes “boy, you’re making me sweat” and “thinking about you…it makes me go red”. It sounds like a shit Katy Perry song and when it comes on I get cross. There’s a strings-heavy instrumental that is very dramatic to make you run more...dramatically I guess. And I keep hearing a rap track that makes me laugh because it’s on a Couch To 5K podcast so it’s automatically uncool. Anyway, when I finish the program I’m looking forward to running with my own music. Today was 10 minutes of running, 3 minutes of walking, 10 minutes of running. Simple as that. It was OK but there were some yummy mummies blocking the bridleway I run down and they just would NOT get out of the way with their pushchairs even though they could see me approaching (at a non-breakneck pace) for a full minute. I noticed they were all wearing nautical-themed outfits even though Horley is a full 45 minutes from the nearest coast.

Day 3: Let’s. Get. Serious. My first 25-minute run and I was DUBIOUS. I’d eaten 3 curries in 2 days and had tin of pina colada at about 5pm for a solo garden party time so I wasn’t primed to do 25 minutes of running. But I’m a hero so off I set. Much like the 20-minute run at the end of Week 5 it wasn’t easy but it wasn’t too hard either. I did it! There isn’t much to say as it was pretty uneventful but when I ran past a woman with a dalmation she looked at me like I was cuckoo-bananas and I thought, “wind your neck in, love, you’re the one with a cartoon dog”.

There are no more interval runs from now on - weeks 7, 8 and 9 are me running long blocks with no walking so expect these blogs to get really whingey and whiney.

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