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  • Suzanna Kempner

Couch to 5k - Week 2

Guys, I'm basically a runner now. This is how Paula Radcliffe must feel every morning, we're the same now. You know when she stopped mid-marathon for a sneaky roadside wee-wee? Well, for years I thought she'd stopped for a poo in front of everyone and I couldn't understand why the whole incident hadn't been a much bigger deal. I suppose a wee isn't so bad, more of a Carry On "oops" than a Channel 5 "BLAM!".

Also, I don't actually think I'm a runner now, I was just being humorous. But I have recruited 2 runners in to Couch To 5k already! Adam, Jess - I believe in you and so does Laura.

Day 1: So this week it’s your 5 minute brisk walk warm-up followed by alternating 90 second runs and 2 minute recovery walks. I’d missed a couple of days as I’d had 2 very active days in London (this is my way of saying I went to London and had to negotiate some escalators…I also had to do a sci-fi musical for some 7-year-olds because I’m #awesome). To be honest I found this new run fine fitness-wise. I could run the intervals no problem and didn’t need to take it particularly slow but after 2 days of tottering around our fair capital in heels my shins and ankles felt the burn. Also, I decided to wear a sweatshirt because it was about 8pm and a bit nippy out. This was a mistake, I roasted in it like a salty old rotisserie chicken. Weirdly, after only 3 runs, it feels natural to break in to a jog. Our bodies are obviously built to do this, we just have to build up to it (very) slowly.

Day 2: Today’s run was hard! It was harder than any of the others. I’d had a really long hard day in London yesterday (left the house at 7am, got back at midnight, guys, come on, that’s incredible) and today was very spaced but got to 6pm and thought half an hour with Laura would be just the ticket. I definitely found it more of an effort this time. On one of my last running intervals I actually said “no…” coz it was a slog (and because I am dramatic). And that’s not all. I ran past a gang of snide teenagers and one of them went “you’re fat!”. Then I ran through a fresh horse shit coz I wasn’t looking where I was going. This run proved that teens have no imagination anymore. Their go-to was “you’re fat”. Unless I have the opposite of anorexia I’m pretty sure I’m thin. GUYS, TELL ME I’M THIN!

Day 3: Final run of week 2 and I’ve effed up my back for the first time in my life. I always boast of having a cast iron back, I never get back pain and I figured I never would. Imagine my surprise when I lifted something not particularly heavy over my head and my entire mid-back around my spine went into terrible spasm. It was crazy! I was bent double like Professor Farnsworth and couldn’t stand up straight for 10 minutes. That night I woke up every time I turned over - killer! But did I let this stop me running? Did I? Yes, I did. I took 3 days instead of the usual 1 day off. I set off on my run knowing I could always turn round and come home if it screwed with my back but luckily it was 100% fine. I didn’t even run through any horse shit and no-one called me fat. Bonus: I even got honked by a white van. Still got it, guys. Still got it. #feminism

If I can make it through Week 3 without giving up running for good I will treat myself to the finest ludicrous running leggings eBay can offer. Stay tuned!

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